I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
