that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
