This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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