She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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