I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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