I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
