Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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