i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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