i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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