ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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