will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
