You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
