please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
