Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
