my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
