I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
