I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i think i just lost a toe
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
