don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
