The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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