Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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