normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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