Please, let me fuck your mom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize