I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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