u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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