I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
