her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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