we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
