So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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