how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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