So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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