Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
