AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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