he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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