Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
