I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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