i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
