I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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