i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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