Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
