My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
