Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex in the backyard? Check.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
