He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
