Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
