my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
