Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will be naked everywhere
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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