Me too!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
