We got so high we made milksteak
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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