She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
