is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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