did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
