is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
