I bet he comes in French.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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