Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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