so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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