My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
