Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
