hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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