I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
